Prayer . . .

So i'm driving down the road and my mind is full of all the decisions my husband and I have to make. They are not decisions we've forseen in our future, and not one of them was necessarily bad. However i'm still stressing. So i've got another 15 or 20 minutes until I make it home and I just feel the need to pray. I think i'll wait until I get home, occupy the kids, and go pray. Not happening! So when I pray I cry, something God put in my genetic code I think! So I pray my way on down the road and home. I get home and go to get my three year old out of his carseat and he says, "Mommy you crying?" Not wanting him to be upset I say, "No baby, Mommy is just talking to God" At this point my three year old looks at me and says, "Jesus loves you" The only thought that ran through my mind was WOW! Even as simple as that statement is, it seemed so profound coming from him! Jesus loves me, I am his child! It IS that simple! Jesus wants the best for me, and what he has for me will always be so much more than I could ever create for myself! The key is being that willing vessel. Keeping myself open to God and his will! I'm not saying it's always an easy thing, honestly it's a hard thing for me! I've always been a very independent person! It's hard for me to rely on anyone other than myself! But God is GOD! He created me and this earth! Who am I to argue with the one who spoke it all into being? So although those decisions still haven't been made, I do believe the remedy is prayer . . .

Contradictions . . .

So being a stay at home mom I described as 'idle', I sure have contradicted myself! I have had one thing or another for the last solid week every day! Right now i'm honestly wishing it was next Tuesday so I could have a day at home to do nothing! I wonder if this is a little joke from God? The honest scary truth, is that I feel that God wants me to stay home at the moment. I don't believe that a womans only place is in the home, however I don't believe it isn't either. I do believe God made each of us wonderfully unique! I believe that everyone needs to seek God for their purpose and calling and not rely on 'laws' made by different religions. So whether God calls a person to be an astronaut, a missionary, a drive thru attendant at McDonalds, or a stay at home parent I believe it is completely between the individual and God. Not the individual, God, and Pastor, Spouse, Parent, Mentor, etc. However, I do admit I find it hard to ignore others opinions, beliefs, and pessimism. So while I don't understand why God wants me to stay home, I suppose it's what I will do! I do feel however that this is temporary! I have a long prayer list (don't we all) And I just feel like God is telling me to be patient, He has something wonderful around the corner for us!  Psalm 48:14 says "For this is God, Our God forever and ever; He will be our guide Even to death" So who am I to doubt? God has more than proved himself in my life, I know however that I have to allow him to work! I can't hold on to everything and expect him to be able to work in my life! Another example of, "Letting Go and Letting God" I have to Let Go and Let God be my guide in all things! (Easier said than done!) So if you have a major decision in your life and feel confused, I hope it gives you comfort to know that you are not alone in that boat! The hard part is letting God steer!

There aren't even Words!!

So I was hoping to have something wise and wonderful to post . . . but honestly my day has been exhausting. Emotionally I am just done for the day! Logically I know that there are tons out there that have had a worse day than me! There are those out there that are facing unimaginable horrors and I faced a hard day as a Mom. My three year old had his first bout with stitches due to a mishap playing tag! And of course he hated the whole episode and fought it the entire time! When I finally got home I locked myself and my youngest outside and my oldest in! Thank God he figured out how to unlock our door! I'm no closer to knowing what the next bend in the road of my life will bring, but once again I don't even care at the moment! I care about getting a good nights rest and hoping tomorrow will be at least a bit less stressful. I would just like to add: Why is it so hard to discipline your kids when they've been hurt? So I'm gonna try and get some rest. Here's a funny little thought for you all: What do you call a nun in a wheel chair?  virgin mobile! :D

Where to Go from Here?

Over the past couple of months i've struggled with where i'm headed from here. When I left my job to have my second child, I thought i'd love staying at home with my kids! I would get to see all the things I missed while working, I wouldn't feel guilty for leaving them every morning, We would spend our day playing games and making crafts . . . right? Lord how I wish I knew what would happen after a couple months of staying home! I started slowly slipping into a depression. Thankfully I was able to get a seasonal job in January preparing taxes until April. But now it's been four months unemployed and i'm finding myself slipping on that slippery slope again! I ask myself, "Why can't you be happy at home? There are women who would love to stay home but financially are unable!" Well, i'm sorry for those women but I truly don't think it's in my makeup to be so idle! Although my house is cleaner than it has ever been before! I've prayed and prayed about this, thinking God just tell me! Give me a sign! Anything!! Somewhere in my mind I think, "Are you truly listening to God? Or are you just pretending because you want to figure it out yourself?" To be honest i'm not really sure! I do know this, I plan to find out! Who knows where i'll end up and what i'll be doing, but I do believe having a happy mom is better for my kids than spending the day with a depressed mom! So say a prayer for me and go do something that makes your day a bit brighter and show your kids a happy mom!